Wednesday, June 30, 2004

The heatwaves are out

Pretty hot day today. 28ºC by noon. Nothing much to do on this hot day after giving a last session of Adobe Photoshop to my student. Went to Centre Mall on Circle & 8th and practically spent the entire evening over there watching 2 movies: Shrek 2, and The Two Brothers.

I could help thinking what it would be like if really, my brother and I were separated like the latter movie. Even I have a share of joy watching how the two tiger brothers reunited and later with their mother at the end. The story has simply dazed me; I mean, it's wonderful! In a scene of the movie conveys a very strong message to boycott poaching by-products, which in my opinion, is an excellent way to create and disseminate awareness of endangered animals. I'd recommend one to watch this NOT just to take note of the anti-poaching movement but also the wonderful love story of The Two Brother in their journey to survive among humans.

As for Shrek 2, I could not believe I can be entertained by a mere green ugly (but cute) ogre especially donkey's deviant talkative behavior. The the cat, when it befriended Shrek with its drop-dead-innocently-cute look with wide eyes open gazing into Shrek's eyes, everyone in the cinema went "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...............!!" An undeniably heart-melting look! If you're looking to be entertained, watch this!

Currently listening to DJ Tiesto's Just Be. You don't know who is this DJ?? Then you might want to check out the following link here and read a little about his achievements. I'm taken away by his musics most of the time and it always feel anew everytime I listen to his numbers. I must say, great musics! Instruments and trance genre are probably my all time fav!

Monday, June 28, 2004

A weekend in Waskesiu

Just got back from Waskesiu approximately 2.5 hours north from Saskatoon. It is situated in Prince Albert's region.

The trip was generally a good one and will consider of heading back there if I ever get a chance again with one condition-- that I know for certain mosquitoes will not party in the woods during our presence. The best part of the entire retreat is not one but many and that includes close encounter of a mother brown bear with her 2 cute cubs...

So, as soon as we arrived at our camp site, tents were set up. There were 6 tents all together and mine was the most mini of them all. Cute though. Since mosquitoes were already out by sunset, I was already overly annoyed by these blood thirsty peskies that I couldn't wait to spark off a camp fire. However, we did not aleady have a permit to do so but Rianto got them after dinner. It cost 2$ for the camp fire permit. Together we gathered some fire woods that were already halved to a suitable place. Initially it was under some branches and I didn't think it was a good idea because I was going to make a huge fire. Having a permit doesn't give me the right to burn down a tree now, does it? Anyway, the woods were relocated so that the rising flames dance freely and not consuming anything in the air. That night was friggin' cold too; that fire helped a bit. We gathered around the fire and Eddy brought in his small packet of marshmallows and wooden skewers (satay sticks).

Albert P. started to make noise at 4am waking me up. My tent was just beside theirs. Most of us froze our ass out by dawn. I didn't think this was worst than my last camp with Benson and Richard Wong in Meota-- -15 celsius with windchill on our first night. Insanity! But this time it felt like 4 celsius with windchill.

Day Two:
After breakfast (simple bread and jam), we headed out to the beach by 10am and stayed to 2.30pm. Went back to camp site for a quick lunch and we left for a nearby lake for canoeing and kayaking. I did the kayak. Little have I realized it could be so much fun! Best story of the day was Albert P. ran into the canoe (my brother and Edwin were paddling it) and he flipped downside up. We all knew the water is cold. As we laughed and watched him struggle to climb back on his kayak (10 of us kayak and 2 went on a canoe) only to see his kayak gave up on him and flipped again; there he went down the cold water. Poor saint. We guys paddled to his rescue and he climbed onto the canoe and they brought him back onto ground. All went with him and only Rianto and I stayed back to hold on to his kayak and his paddle. I was the last to struggle against the waves and wind before I reach the pier. On the way back, we stopped along the road side and watch a mother bear with her two cute cubs feeding. The mother bear would probably stand to 5.5 feet. I got a picture and will put it up here soon.

On the last day, Sunday, all of us went back to the beach and this time we went into the waters. Cold! That's all I can say about the water. There were a lot of people this day compared to yesterday. Lots of people sunbathing and frolicking with one another on the water, especially the indonesian people we're with. I went around with my camera wielded in my hands hoping they'll notice that I do not want to get wet. A neat excuse to avoid getting bashed on beach.

Trip is over.

Arrived Saskatoon and mom got busy packing stuffs and preparing to go back. I did not stay in my room for long. Went to school and ran into Marzi, Navjot Kaur, and Heba. We went out for a drink but Heba did not join us. Matthew did; and we hanged around and chatted till 2am at Olympia downtown. Came back and mom chatted with me till 6am. I lay down and fell asleep immediately. 7 am we were suppose to send mom to the airport but I got too comfortable sleeping and really hate myself for hessitating to go just because of sleep. I don't think this is the way to pay my respect to my mother. I'm really sorry.

Got up at 12noon and headed down to Daniel's Kimberly Physiotherapy for my left arm. It's so much better now compared to last month as I now have full arm movement. I will need to do some home exercises to strengthen and hasten the healing process of the partially torn tendon. Since I have full movement, the tear could range from 20% - 40% tear, which is not too serious.

Other news
I got a confirmed placing at the University of Leeds, UK.
Karla got sunburn on both her arms.
Mother left for Vancouver and onwards to KL on Wednesday.
I'll be heading back to Malaysia at the end of July or in the first week of August.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

A floss a day keeps decay away

My dental appointment was tentatively scheduled for July 13 but I received a call yesterday and Michelle, the nurse (why are there so many Michelle species around?! One big one who teases me as though Arnold Schwarzennegar has a little dong is already enough to handle), informed me there is one today -- in the morning. I promptly agreed without much thought that these days I not really the morning type of person

I got up at 08:45 to make a phone call to the clinic explaining to the nurse, I suppose it's Michelle's sweet voice, why I couldn't go. I don't have any other excuses except lame ones. Felt too lazy to get up anyway. Still in bed and felt like I could get drowsy and hit back to dreamland again, 2 things woke me up. Mom was already up earlier and was working in the kitchen making some goodies for dinner later. It was the smell of chinese mushroom that ponged my senses up--too strong a smell. The other, Michelle said: "Oh? Did you know that there's a 50$ charge for last minute change or 'no show'?"

I'm like, "50 fucking dollars just for no show?!! That's ridiculous!"
Then after much hessitations I felt like I was cornered and there was no other way out unless I am willing to fork out 50 bucks for nothing.

Whew! Fresh air finally! I'm out of the house and the smell of mushroom no longer cause uncomfortness to my nose. It's not stinky or the like but they were just too strong too aromatic that I couldn't take it anymore.

Dr Simon Wong is his name. He is the dentist. I didn't wait long outside and when I got in, I gagged and went like gagaga!! Woah!! 6 TV's, 6 inclining chairs, 2 beautiful nurses (pls ignore this), clean as white and bright. I was invited to lie down and the other nurse slided down something on my head in which I learned that it's a headphone so I don't watch mute TV! Totally cool! Then she pulled out something from the cabinet on my left side and inform me that she was going to take some x-rays. Later, I saw my 10 x-ray pictures and Dr Wong explained everything, including the most terrifying thing I've ever heard: I've got 9 cavities; 10 including my dysfunctional wisdom tooth.

Dr. Wong took some colored digital images of my teeth with a tiny little steel rod. I was watching TV and he grabbed the RC from me (*sobs!*) and switched to "Video 1" mode and Viola! all my decayed teeth in color media! *embarrassed!*

But above all that, that dental clinic is one that has impressed me so far.

Quote from Dr. Wong:
...brushing your teeth is only 60% complete. Flossing give you the other 40%

But, on the contrary, even if you floss your teeth daily, you will still get decays. What happens is that flossings only reduces the chances of tartar build ups (which I had, omg! but they're history now) thus minimizes cavities and decays. They're still going to be there. But you're helping your dentist a lot such that s/he doesn't have to spend too much time cleaning.

Met Leah Knox.

A new item

A new item to add on to my wish list. I fell in love with it when immediately after reading all it has to offer me. *drools!*

Wednesday, June 23, 2004


Lonely?
Photoblogged!!


Jessica's [high school] graduation pic
Photoblogged!!


Jessica while sunbathing
Photoblogged!!

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

A soothing placebo for my mind, body, and soul

Just chatted with 草草 (double grass) and she mentioned a phrase that I thought I would meditate upon: 一切事情的发生,都有它存在的道理。 And that would mean that For every problems that happened, there [also] exist a reason, an explanation for it all.

The translated meaning, I must admit, does not sound or does not look as good or authentic as it should be. Maybe I am just not too good a translator ; or perhaps the English language is somehow limited or inadequate to unleash its full capacities to be able to convey the exact meaning as it is written in the Chinese language.

"Learn to let go" flashed in my mind after reading that phrase.

A day of mixed feelings

Today officially marks the beginning of the most awaited day or perhaps season of the entire year by at least everyone, but me. *sobs!* I miss winter! Summer kicks in today; there better be warmer days ahead but the hope of warmer days didn't seem so promising with rainy clouds to start with today. The earth must have been crazy. Perhaps Saskatoon itself, eh?

It looks like I have acquired this habit of sleeping at ungodly hours and waking up at noon time for the past month already. I got up just in time to walk over to the Royal University Hospital (RUH) for a scheduled Ultrasound scan appointment at 12:30noon. I was all dressed up and ready to go by 12:20 when I flipped my Sony Clie SJ-22 to check which floor am I suppose to be. Heavens strucked my oblivious state off when my organizer showed me the place I was suppose to go was not the RUH but Saskatoon's Imaging Center on Bedford's Square. Now, where is Bedford's Square? I didn't want to be late to try to remember where Bedford's Sqr. is. Immediately I rang up for a cab and arrived to Bedford's Sqr., a very familiar place I've frequented for some bubble/pearl tea. It is on 8th Street!

When I was at the clinic's reception desk to register myself, I was asked to produce the note Dr. Ansell gave me. Oh fuck! I must have forgotten as I left in a hurry. I got in anyway. The nurse who is a blonde chic named Michelle, told me to take off my shirt and sit beside her. Oh wow! *wild thoughts running around; but within the confines of the room. She closed the door behind us and dimmed off the lights. I'm like, this is sooo.... not happening!! Stop it, Danny!! What are you thinking?! Okay. She squirted some gooey Ultrasound gel on my naked left shoulder and picked up the scanning device and motioned on my shoulder bone-arm. I could see a baby!! It is a girl!!!! Nah! I mean, I will not be normal if there was really another being growing in my hurting shoulder! It was just amazing how these Ultrasound scans work! Michelle picked up some gel onto the scanning device and pressed lightly on the front of my shoulder and while rubbing in circular motion she's observing the monitor with me. The images are, unfortunately, not colored. Of course, I expected that. The entire session lasted for about 10 minutes. Now, behind the chair I seated is a bed. It didn't take me long enough to realize that it's primarily for expecting mothers. duhh!!

My brother and mom were doing some groceries at Superstore. I met up with them. Collected some photos of my graduation as well as my recent "camping weekend" in Scott. As I looked through the 35 prints, I was kinda disappointed when I saw the picture 'Jillian Morgan' and I posed in the Arts tunnel on the 26th of May. Not very nice and I had the most ackward pose of all. Then I thought about it for a while and wondered if she was offended. Maybe we were physically too close to one another? Felt shitty and embarrassed and couldn't bare to take another look. The convocation pictuers didn't turn out all that good either. The auditorium was dim, the film's speed was a ISO 100, and the distance from the photographer to the stage where I received my degree was as far back and high as the auditorium could get. Although my family and I did go to campus for some more photo shooting, the weather then wasn't all that pleasing either. I could just heave a heavy sigh of giving up right now to realize I have lost an opportunity of a lifetime. It should be temporal though. It's just that things on that day did not go as I wished them to be. However, I should just pat myself on my back and convince myself that I am at least fortunate enough to have my parents over to celebrate this late convocation with me. My other friends whose parents couldn't afford to come to celebrate with their only daughter/son. Worst yet, one even had to borrow a camera from her friend to commemorate her convocating day. So Dann, you're fine. It's okay when things didn't go the way you want them to be sometimes. It's not that your expectation levels were too high, but this is the time when you learn how to tolerate with others, things, and especially yourself! So, be cool!

When my brother graduate next year, he's gonna be my center of attention! I hope he allows my glamour shots! hehe!

Bought a book from McNally's Robinson on Photoshop and found out it's kind of not worth up to its value (25.99$). It came with a CD and I'm not quite certain if I should return it... is it returnable?

Chatted and video-conferrenced with Priscilla G. today. Feelings of guilt lingered in and around me when she first messaged me in MSN messenger because I haven't finished reading it and I did slacked off for a few days. As soon as I knew it was her messaging me, I'm like oh-uh! is she going to ask me about the paper that I'm suppose to proof-read and I'm like only three-quarter done? The conversation went kinda cute though and I thought I was snaking my way out of it. But no, it was funny! Then mom came to the rescue by yelling "dinner is ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come and eat your Egg pocket!!"

Egg Pocket, mom's new creative creation. T'was good. I'm gonna steal the recipe from my mother and make it for my own (well, later I'll make it for friends) till perfection. Like the Americans, they steal ideas and make it better and claim ownership on it. Thankfully Im only quasi-American.

Felt like someone was insinuating me. Maybe I am just overly sensitive. I should just put up with a Alex-type A behavior--don't give a fuxk about anything. It'd be different for me, change the "anything" to certain things

Happy Summer holidays! Enjoy your summer, dear readers!

Sunday, June 20, 2004


My first digital art published!! Spent an hour creating this cool feather pen using Photoshop CS. Feather pens have always been associated with knowledge, intelligence, articulacy (if ever there's such an adjective), and literacy, hence, the "Knowledge is Power". Quite a common adage I must say but it simply adds more to the composition. I thought splattering some ink carelessly would make it more believing. Do you have time to critic on this picture?
H!

Some pictures

Public toilet voyuerism. Can you do whatever you'd do inside comfortably when somebody put his face on to the wall of this public toilet?

The spidey's sense is DEFINITELY tingling

Click on image for a larger image.

Saturday, June 19, 2004

Palomino Horse ride in Downtown

Here are the few banned ads that I find extremely hilarious. For more, please visit Block Nine and click on the video section.

Boobs Magazine
Bad idea jeans
3 girls take off bikinis in Denmark
Blind man and Levis jeans
Erotic food
Fart
Loose panties
I need a condom now!
Kylie Minogue [Lingerie]
Yeah, but at least it takes our focus off your face
Metal detector
Nice boots
IKEA pig farmers
Fighting chimp
Football fever
Dancing penis
Sony camera

Other news:
Yahoo! Mail has just increased their free webspace quota from 4MB to 100MB, which is a positive step to take in order to keep customers from flocking to Gmail that offers 1000MB free! Did I say free? Yeah, for FREE! What makes Gmail more interesting is the keyboard short-cut keys in which I believe no webmail providers have done it before. Thus, making Gmail the pioneer in this cutting edge technology and is about to change our daily rituals of using webmails as our primary email consoles. Yahoo!'s new interface hasn't a dramatic change either. I don't think I am all that impressed with the changes except for the 25 times larger mailbox. Check it out!


What happened
It was my turn to make dinner today and I made one of my fav Asian dish called Szechuan's Eggplant Stir-fry with ground beef. I'd g crazy over this dish and because it was sooooo goooooooooood, I'm insanely mad... to have a late lunch and wasn't hungry at all when I dished it out. Mom has always insisted that she makes our meals but she didn't have to. I didn't hessitate even though I dislike working/playing on the computer for too long. T'was a great dinner though. We, mom brother and I, took a walk downtown along the river side up to Delta Bessborough Hotel when 2 parade horses pulling a carriage parked beside the curb. Ah! 7.50$ per person. Since we missed a horse ride in Montreal 2 years ago, we hopped on this carriage and the Palomino horses took us for a 15 minutes ride trotting gracefully. The sound of cloking: clok! clok! clok! clok! when their hoofs coherently hit the ground is not any noise/sound. Unable to explain nor describe in further details, felt like musics to my ears. These light brown parade horses are simply just amazing creatures. I had the opportunity to carress my palm on the mammal's body, neck, and head. I'm dreaming of the horse taking me away to a land far far away, with my lover behind me. We had to hurry home as it was getting dark and I felt a heavy heart to leave these beautiful beasts. I don't know how to explain how I felt but I think horses and I do have some kind of connection. My brother made a statement: "It's nice to own a horse, eh?".
It's weird and yet amazing and coincidental because here I am today with real horses; 3 days ago, we were all trying to immitate the 4 singing horses Acappella style. Mom traced out the gray horse that stood on the most left. What is the connection? Is something happening?

At Mandarin restaurant having dimsum with Lavina Yuen for lunch earlier, I read my chinese horoscope for my year, 1979. The last sentence reads: Gets along well with Horses, Boars, Sheeps, and ... (can't remember). I'm a Sheep/Ram by the way.
After lunch, I had to lugged back a 14lbs bag of rice. At least now I know how to get around town by bus, so, it's really nothing. In the bus, I noticed a young large girl at the back of the bus where she sat looking at me. Well, I wasn't sure if it was a look or a stare. I noticed her eyes shied away when I was glancing around my shoulders, then I looked back at her and she greeted me with an obliging smile. A smile makes two. Wow! That was something. If she had really been looking at me, should I freak out?! Nah, rather I should be a man and get to "sell myself" away in hopes to get, uhh..., laid? I'll just leave that to my imaginations. She got off with me at the stop close by where I live. No wonder she's somebody familiar? Perhaps I don't quite remember where I've seen her or what I've done to/for her? Oh-uh!

Finally, I watched Jackie Chan's latest remake of "Around the world in 80 days". I am still amazed at JC because he is still able to amuse people with his absofucklutely cool stunts and moves. One big disappointment to me is that this version do not have cut-scenes at the end of the movie. I have always loved to see how things went wrong and they're always really hilarious! It's quite funny but not the best given the knowledge of his capabilities and abilities. JC can make better movie than this one even though it's a remake of the one in 1989??

Thursday, June 17, 2004


M&M's drunkened with weed
H!


Girls, pay attention! Guys, too bad.
H!


Next winter's project in Saskatoon
H!


During winter this year, I think the sculptor came to our university and left his piece of art at The Bowl, on campus.
H!


Get a date, emulate her.
H!


Europeans vs. Americans
H!


OMG! You can read chinese!
H!


MILF
H!


Whoever designed this is definitely not a woman.
H!

Wish list

615! Six fifteen!! Claudia (Cheng Kayan) hinted to me it is a kind of shoe. I found out later that 615 is a type of New Balance's shoe for girls, uhh collector's items, I think. Last week, she has been changing her handle everyday and it doesn't look any different except one will definitely know that she's counting down to June 15. So, I asked her Monday what was she going to do in a few hours time over the chatline. She just said "615!!!!!!!!!!" I thought, "Oh yeah, right, the shoe. Probably it's a year's anniversary for her shoe and herself." I asked her today when is her birthday. "615!!" Ah, A belated birthday wish from me then. I thought I have just missed something... felt the emptiness in my heart.

I asked what she wished for to which she responded "I can't tell you. If I do, then it will not come true". Well, here is my wish list people:

(some are really just imaginaries/fictitious),
1. A nice home; not too big nor small like where I'm staying now
2. Vaccines to all diseases so people may live longer
3. I wish I could stop United States from nosing into another's ass
4. Happiness within myself as well as my immediate surroundings
5. Unbreak my broken limbs
6. I wish to find a loving & understanding soulmate (Yoon-Young Choi look-alike always preferred)
7. Peace in my heart as well as in everyone's!
8. Lactose tolerant!
9. Cranium has a Malaysian Edition, in English!!
10. A professional digital SLR (Nikon & Canon)
11. High end lenses to fit item 10, cheapo ones don't mind too.
12. Travel around the world.
13. Able to draw nudes better, they all look disfigured on my drawing paper. lol! gotta visit the art's studio more often and still be able to hold on to my sanity.
14. iPod 40GB!!!
15. Casio Exilim! Why the heck do I want more than a camera?! I love these little gadgets.
16. A love doll. *sob! I'm so lonely.
17. A magic wand!! granting wishes for myself.
18. a sponsored annual snowboarding trip in Canada, Whistler Mt.
19. Retire early.
20. A car
21. gas price drop!!
22. Another bachelor degree!
23. academic scholarships
24.
...

Is your list longer than mine? Are all your wish list, uhh, selfish?

What do most, if not all, men want the most in their lifetime (other than sex with all beautiful women in the world)?

given a chance, would you live either on the moon or Mars for 6 months? I wish for the red planet.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Zero

Zero. Nothingness, emptiness, empty, no longer there, not existing or non existence and that's probably up to where I can think of zero. If you have other variations, please feel free to add on. Pretty much like the previous posting "Till the last drop", but the only thing is that this time I had a Finnish vodka Evgeuni P. got for all of us to drink from small shot glasses at Mark Caeser's apartment (Sutherland). Clint, Caeser's friend, I'm quite amazed at how much in similar taste in genre's of games he has with me. A big fan of Silent Hill episodes in which I did try to play the 3rd part last week and was already all freaked out. He completed the game.... whooooosh!! Jumped out of his seat twice; Caeser wasn't left out of the action too as he devotedly watched Clint fiddling his way to kill monsters and get terrified, petrified, and mortified by the game.

After much of the vodka disappeared (down in our stomaches), and after much talking, Caeser decided to show us something he finds amazing. He opened his email and there are four horses behind wooden fence like those in farms. When I saw it I knew what those horses do. They don't run or does anything like what normal horses do. Interestingly, well, you might have seen it before, they represents a type of sound in music, much like in acappella, but without music instruments. Because it was so long ago I heard & seen of such thing, as well as it was the first time for the rest, it was pretty amazing. If you want to know what I'm talking about, please visit the following link below:

Acappella Ranch horses

So, it is very difficult to try NOT to immitate the sounds of each horses especially the dark gray horse that goes "boom schee schee; boom boom... booom schee schee". So, because Mark plas the guitar and records his own musics on the computer, it was his idea to record all of us doing what the horses are doing. We each pick a horse to immitate (its voice). I picked the above, Clint the female horse with receding hair (most right), Evgeuni is the light gray horse, and Caeser is the second from left that sounds like as though he's the meditating buddist monk going "Ooouuummmmmmmmmmmmmm...." repetitively. Much like you'd click on the each horse to hear it humming its own acappellic voice, we did the same by pointing fingers. The entire scene was awesome & hilarious, it was recorded too. When we hit the playback, we can actually see the sound waves of our singing. I started first and the wave was mild; but it grew as the others took turns to join in the singing, didn't want to leave me solo all the time. Then, there was this big leap in the waves... that's Clint's. None of us could contain our laughters and as soon as I broke out in laughter, it spread!! It really spread to the rest. Almost died laughing! I will get the sound file up here for your listening.

As for the poor bottle of vodka, which has been sitting & chilling out in the fridge for 30mins already, Mark grabbed in and called for the 7th toast, was was for :( some BS i can't remember. But the 6th was for Exotic women in which we discussed quite interestingly disputing each other's point of view. Mostly a comparison between caucasian women and asian women. the 4th toast sounds like "you can do any friggin' thing you want, but just don't get caught". Perhaps the lamest toast by me. haha! the 3rd was to friendship; Mark offered upon which I agreed/seconded abruptly. The 2nd, was in Russian in which Mark's guessing translation turns out to make more sense after Evgeuni explains the need to rhyme like that of Russian. So, "Between one and two, keep the minutes few" but what the heck, we understood anyway. Down goes the vodka.
The first shot (and the 5th), WTF?!, can't remember. Anyway, had a good time there!

My student for photoshop is really dissing me by making me do all her assignments. :( but should I complaint much as i'm getting quite a good pay for an unemployed chap like myself?? hehe! so much to learn.

I'm broke. Now, doesn't the zero up there makes more sense to you?

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

What is dry humor?

After I wrote my previous posting, I didn't think anybody would find "Boozed weekend in Scott" funny. Perhaps I have found my true talent, and that would be a talent of not knowing how to describe something funny when they're suppose to be funny. So, do you say to me I have dry humor? So, What is dry humor (or humour as the British's would spell it)? Do I have it?! "Is it humor minus the saliva?"

I have always thought that Eelynn has dry humor either in some ways or in all ways. If that is true, because I do see a little of myself in her, perhaps it is true for me too. Michelle used to say to us to give Lynn charity laughters whenever she tries to tell a joke or two because we know Lynn (and perhaps myself) can't really make a joke a joke! A joke that make us laugh crazy & and wild & perhaps remembered and worth to tell to another.

Hmm, there are people whom I know who are really, really funny. They tickle your funny bones with their stories about their life. How do they do that?! Are funny people borned to be humorous? If they are, then I can accept the fact that my humors are a little dry. Just like drinking dry wine, there's this tangy taste in your throat when you gulp in as oppose to smooth wines.

What do you think?

Monday, June 14, 2004

Boozed weekend in Scott

Scott and I have been planning on doing things for the weekend of 12th and the 13th since last week. He came up with 2 plans and both of the plans flopped because things either came up that required immediate attention or time just wasn't right. So, he called again Thursday and suggested that his friend who is from Scott has invited them for a camping trip at her place. Her name is Sylvia. Scott was quite excited with the idea of going to Scott and Scott's friends. I thought this might probably work out because it wasn't Scott's idea to go to Scott. And it all worked out!

Pause. Scott is a place approx. 1h 40mins west of Saskatoon and about an 40 mins south of North Battlefords. Scott is also a person. From a certain angle, he somehow appears to me to resembles Owen Wilson. So, I hopped into Ben's (Benjamin Eng) car, and headed west with a piece of a what-appears-to-be-a-horribly written-directions.

We arrived nevertheless. But when we left Scott, we were all asking each other how to go back. That piece a paper with directions is, however, apparently a one-way-ticket to Scott. It was funny as we drove aimlessly but were heading east. ;)

Anyway, the weather has been butt ugly so the initial camping plan didn't quite carry through. All six of us stayed-in Sylvia's. Went out to the town's only bar at around 9:30pm. Apparently, Sylvia has invited a 28 year old huge beer-bellied guy who is desperate and is going to hit on any girls he meets. We are 3 guys and 3 girls. Ben, Scott, Myself Danny; Sylvia, Chelsea (Scott's girl), and Leah. When Sylvia told us about him (Conrad), we were quite worried for Chelsea and Leah. Uh-oh! I didn't sense any harm from Conrad though, quite a nice chap. Probably he was hammered, with beer!!! omg! what a drinker! And perhaps we, or maybe our girls, were quite lucky as a blonde came in the bar and walked up and chatted with him. Maybe somebody familiar? At least he is kept at bay.

Those 3 girls are totally craaaazy fun and hilarious!! Leah, speaks with a unique accent, is a calm, down to earth, amicable, and perhaps sensible girl so full of energy. When I entered, I noticed somebody familar who took Beginning French II with me last summer -- Leah! Learned that she grew up in Malaysia, lived in Penang and went to an International School over there. She came back to Canada when she was 15 yrs old. Been nine years ago and she doesn't speak any Malay. That is just unfortunate.

Sunday morning, to kick things off, we chugged in our last 6 bottles of beer for breakfast. Scott and Chelsea were pushed to down in all in while still in bed. We joined however. Pancakes to eat and then later, played a very interesting board game called Cranium. I enjoyed it very much and thought that everyone who is visiting Canada should at least play this game once before going back to wherever you come from. Since it's a Canadian edition, it is packed with quintessentially Canadian content and it-is-a-definite roof-raiser!! We raised and brought down the roof and the ceiling with our laughters and jokes on each other when making a funny move or looking at a stupid picture drawn with the eyes closed. Know what a fartknocker is? How about a jumart? There's another game called Slanger where you would, very much similar to Balderdash, guess out the meaning of a slang. Oh yeah, we did laugh our asses out reading aloud the creative definitions of others. Leah, apparently was known as the Hussie in green! coined by Chels when Leah wrote "I suck!" for slang she knew nothing off. This would be a timestamp so I will not forget how much fun I had.

"Soup and fish" is a slang for "A tuxedo". Imagine what kind of glares you'd get when you demand for your tux using this slang. Wouldn't you just snap when your butler who didn't understand that slang actually brings you what you specifically asked? It would have been hilarious!

Pot luck... I was late.

Where shall I go? Nobody has invited me to their homes. Have I been a bad boy? I'm sorry if I have. Cool down, because I think people are cool, I'm cool as well, no?

That is about all I would write for tonight. I'll postpone my other thoughts for another day.


-Ps: Blogger's server was down a night or two ago, I think. Because we do not always know when website servers go down for maintenance or malfunctioned, always make a habit to COPY ALL of the content you wrote to NOTEPAD before you push the button that reads "PUBLISH POST". Simply "SELECT ALL" (Ctrl + A) in the box where have typed, and COPY (Ctrl + C; or right click on highlighted areas, select COPY). Open NOTEPAD (optional) and paste your blog in. Then switch back to your blog to PUBLISH POST. There you go! I really hate to rewrite my entire blog. This is the precautionary step I practice even in writing emails, especially when they are long ones. Have fun.

Shortly after I was born...

..., I have made several decisions: (Bold sentence denotes true)

01. When I was younger, I made some bad decisions
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love broccoli
04. I love sleeping
05. I have loads of books
06. I once slept in a toilet (don't ask)
07. I love playing video games
08. I adore marijuana (juss never smoked it before..)
09. I watch porn movies
10. I watch "One Tree Hill"
11. I like sharks
12. I love spiders, I think they're adorable, especially the ones with bright colors on their backs
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair
14. I like George W. Bush
15. People are cool
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a Toyota and a pool
18. I have a lot to learn
19. I carry my knife everywhere with myself
20. I'm really, really smart
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret
23. I hate rain
24. I drink health juice (JAMBA JUICE)
25. Punk rock rules
26. I hate Bill Gates
27. I love Vietnamese
28. I would hate to be famous
29. I am not a morning person
30. I have long hair
31. I have short hair
32. I have potentials
33. I'm pure Afghan
34. My legs are two different sizes I refuse to believe my legs are identical
35. I have a long lost twin
36. I wear those long ass socks
37. I can roll my tongue
38. I like the way that I look
39. I'm obsessed with Italian food
40. I know how to French braid
41. I can be pessimistic or optimistic whenever I want
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I skateboard/snowboard -->SnowBoard!!!! yey!
44. I think that skateboarders are HOT
45. I'm in a band
46. I have talents
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I'm popular
49. I am currently single
50. I can't swim
51. My favorite color is either blue, red, or white
52. I practically live in sweatshirts
53. I love to shop
54. I would classify myself as either punk or goth
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I'm a prep, shop at abercrombie&AE&FCUK, and ADMIT IT
57. I'm obsessed with my xanga (blog)
58. I don't hate anyone
59. I know how to square dance
60. I have a unibrow
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mom
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in BUDDHA (yes, he existed)
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I know how to play the tuba
66. I need coffee to live -->only during study sessions & exam periods
67. I have had a boyfriend before
68. I've rejected someone before
69. I currently like someone and they have no idea that I like them
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have kids when i'm older
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I've called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Hilary Duff club
76. I'm not allergic to anything
77. I love Broadway plays, and have been to at least 3
78. I have no idea who the 38th president was
79. I plan on seeing Mary Kate and Ashley's new movie
80. I am completely shy around the opposite sex
81. I'm online 24/7
82. I have at least 25 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs at a party
84. I loved Rush Hour
85. I've read all of the Harry Potter trilogy
86. If I were a dwarf, I would be dopey
87. When I was a kid I played with G.I. Joe
88. I don't mind country music
89. I would die for my friends
90. I think that Juicy Fruit is the best type of gum
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I'm obsessive and paranoid and extremely jumpy
93. I would love to be Demi Moore because Ashton Kutcher is a major hottie
94. I love the Beatles.. they're classic
95. I know all the words to 'I'm a barbie girl'(by whom?)
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy..
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have to fart
99. I want this damned thing to be over
100. I'm happy

41 true out of 100 items
Verdict: I am not so much of bullshits in life. Thank heavens I failed this "Life's a Bullshit" quenstionnaire. *chuckles!*

Saturday, June 12, 2004

A brag

Bragging can often convey positive feelings as well as negative ones. I have been dealing with this problem for a long time. Sometimes a few of my good friends and my brother would confess their heart-felt feelings to me saying that I sometimes go over-board in arrogance and often find me bragging too much about myself.

Looking back, this problem I have been fighting since my early 20s can be traced to my teen years. I craved for parental love & attention in which I lacked much. There is this vague stigma in me to seek for attention and was a very serious problem in my late teens until I realize I did not gain much from deliberate search. I have not been complimented much for the things I do when I was a teenager and today when somebody do compliment me in some ways I get so full of myself. Stop! Analyse! Everybody do crave for some attentions in one way or another. I am guilty of this act myself. Even up to today but there are many possible explanations to this social ill, at least that's what some people would categorize it to be. There is, I think, another part of me, who is innately malignant and suffers from probably minor ADD or Attention Deficiency Disorder. The things I say today would somehow subtly hurt or offen that person I am communicating with. Often it will be too late for me to realize what I have just said is offensive. The way I word things out, as a good friend of mine said, made her felt stupid. What is the psychology of all these when I can sometimes relate and understand people who are doing similar things to me?

My dear mother has always related to me about my childhood and especially my growing years as a teenage boy. There has been a lot of damages done to my brother in my pursuit of attention. Today, my family owes something to God because we, my brother and I especially, did not resort to drug abuse, become a punk in the society, turn out to be a spoil spoilt, or a really psychopath attention disorder patient. As for myself, today I seek attention in my very own way is perhaps, according to mother, the best of two evils as a mean to calm and reward myself of attention deprivations, perhaps. There is an urgent need to be humble and meek but even with God's help, it will not an over night effort; however, I do and I will try. My brother's heart has been very broken and perhaps his childhood times are as haunting as mine but with different problems altogether and for the most part, I believe I am the culprit of it all. "If you break a vase, you should patch things up" is the thought that now constantly pounds my mind. I now feel the terrible qualms of my guilts expanding day by day; the more reasons for the need to patch things up. There can be no amount of apologies, perhaps, to forgive myself and hope things will be fine. But I need to stop living in my past and from this day forward I will make things new, with the strength of the Almighty and Holy Spirit.

A brag not one more from me
Spit back at my face and hug me once more
when you know I tell a brag
Help me to help you, and I will help you to help myself
we then can live without seeing black faces.

Friday, June 11, 2004

Y tu amigo tambien

Bienvenida a mi bitacora! Tambien se le conoce como Blogger, Weblog o Jurney. ¿Eso te da una idea de lo que es esto? Si es asi, felicidades, mereces una galletita ^_^ Podria comenzar diciciendo que aqui yo escribo lo que me de la gana y si no te gusta te larges (¡espera, espera!)No es asi ^^' Más acertadamente, este blog ha sido creado por mi manía a escriibr, por lo que no será raro que veas más actualizaciones en mis Escritos que en mismo blogger ^^ Como sea, por ahí encuentras algo que no va contigo, en lo que no estas deacuerdo o de plano algo que te resulta ofensivo y/o denigrantemente grotesco (quizá exagero un poco) entonces observa el lema de este blogger: "Todo está aquí, y la puerta también. Cada quien sabe que hacer con esto" Mmm esperando no haber sonado muy agresiva, me despido :)

Traduzca por favor para mí y lo anuncia en los comentarios.

A meal a day
I had the entire school year to experiment the above title for myself and here is my result: it works! Although we were often hammered in the head that breakfast *is* the most important meal of the day, you can actually skip it and get away with gastrics and/or stomach aches or feel hungry later in the day. It works for me but please remember, results will vary from person to person depending on your metabolic rate, how active you were during the day. Whenever I'd wake up for early morning classes at 8AM, I'd just have a glass of milk and 4 slices of break or just a banana (best choice). I'd go on till 6pm without anything except for juices. Of course, this is not a very healthy practice but if some of you girls are looking to cut down weight, this is probably one way you can starve yourself. Well, while I'm aware there are some other options for your dieting plans without starving, mine's the cheapest and teaches you self-discipline. I'd study at the library for a day long and when it's time for dinner, around 6pm, I'd think of my dinner as a reward. Not that I will not reward myself if I didn't study much, but that is just not a good practice habit as it would cultivate laziness. That's the last thing I'd ever want. It's more like a reward-scheme. That's my "A meal a day" plan. A meal a day keeps gastric away.

On to another thing, my old desktop has failed on me. I bought 2 HDDs to replace thinking the HDD that came with the IBM has bad sectors and rendered useless-- practically a piece of junk. I can't load any OS into it and I gave up. I had no clue what is going on with the machine. After much hessitations, I decided to call up IBM support. There were going to charge me depending on my questions and I know my warranty has expired long ago, which was why I hessitated. I lied my way through and the operator said, "... I may charge you depending on your question, sir." After relating much about my pathetic machine's condition and symptoms, I think I had his sympathies. I learned that some capacitors around the CPU were leaking. The forever reseting looping behavior now seems all so crystal clear. Because computer understands only binary language, that is ones and zeros or off and on, data cannot be continued to be passed down to another section of the mainboard. The way I understand it is quite simple actually. Imagine a superficial city with your starting point on a road that splits into 3 roads. these roads goes to a destination in a bottleneck road. You were instructed that if you can't use Road 1, you shall use an alternative route, Road 2, and Road 3. If all else fails, return to starting point. In my case, all the capacitors were leaking, all the roads were blocked. So, it's not very difficult to figure out why it's behaving that way it is behaving.

Anyway, it has been raining in Saskatoon almost 2 days now. The past 2 weekends has been a rainy one. Looks like I won't have a sunny weekend day/night for this week either. Going to the observatory during the weekend would be a nice thing to do -- on a clear day. Hate being stuck at home, with only one PC to use. My mother's staying with me in my room. It's hard to surf for sexy pictures! haha!

Ai Yoshida.
Seems to me that you knew something that I don't
Your behavior towards me changed as you remained not-much-to-say
You didn't have to take it so seriously of what others say
to you, because I have not made my move yet.
I have no motives nor intentions.
Beautiful! I wish you a happy vacation in Japan! See you in 3 months!

Michelle T. Everyone has a nickname as I, too, is known by many names. nothing offensive werrrrt! Gah! I had to spit out those Malaysian suffixes here to justify an amicable speech. You bejesus me sometimes. To say that it's hard to find a girl like you in China, Malaysia (esp), Taiwan, Thailand, Japan is to mean that you are a very special person. In a good sense! haha! Saskatoon owes you one for you have resurrected this ghost town. It's dead once again. shsssh!!

Thursday, June 10, 2004


Priscilla G. a.k.a. "Tortilla", Ee Lynn, and the Late Atomic Weight Michelle Tan. Uhh, please ignore the "Tan" ; just Michelle. Her ego is already too big to fit into my car, so I have everybody do me a favor NOT to call her fullname so Michelle can get in too.
H!

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

What a job!

Portraits of some of my friends are up.

*
Agent Danniella

Priscilla
Agent Prishilla a.k.a. Tortilla

*
Agent Denise a.k.a Sore Throat??

*
The Dannie's Angels posing in Danny's kitchen after feasting on pork butt.


These were the only Mexicans that came by to my place to savoured Conchinita Pibil, one of Mexican's most rare Slow-cooked pork powered with a 2oz of Premium Tequila. Ee Lynn was not left out and I extend my gratitude to her for making this happen. I was like "*ahem!* On behalf of all the Malaysian friends you know, I present to you a dish of your native land, Puerco Pibil, as a friendly gesture towards a friendship (between Mexico and Malaysia; kononnya play politics! haha!) that is just about to begin. It's too bad that you people had to go too soon but I'm sure all of us Malaysians, the ones you know, are very grateful and happy to have met you all. bla bla bla!"

I have been tutoring a student from HK on Adobe Photoshop 7 for the past 3 weeks. This is the coolest job I have ever done coz I get to write my blog, listen to music, and chat while I tutor her. Best thing of all is that I still get paid full amount (15$ per hour) for at least 2 hours a day for 4 days a week at least. Sometimes I end up working for 4 hours just to do her assignments for her. There is a difference between tutoring and doing assignments for student(s) and I think the latter best describes my current position. I don't think she's learning anything at all but heck, think about it, I'm getting paid that amount and I'm learning new stuffs on Photoshop-- stuffs I never knew existed. Remember about chatting and listening to music while on the job? If you say i'm robbing this girl her purse, you're wrong to such lame claim. Instead, you should feel happy for me, shake you head side ways, give me a sigh of relief then say to me, "what a job! what a job, danny!"

Monday, June 07, 2004

Tears from the skies

Saskatoon unfamiliar to many
a name frown upon usually
by people out of this town twenty
miles away asking "where is that?" ignorantly.

I have been here 3 years already this coming August 20.
There are hardly any mountaineous landscapes around here
only to learn later that I'm 'stuck' in a place called the prairies,
which is a large area of level land and is one of the dry treeless
plateaus east of the Rocky Mountains according the Webster dictionary.
Translated to simple English, it's freaking flat land.

Anyway. Only when I'm in the mood do I churn out some awfully good thoughts not for shallow minds. Oh yeah, I'm very shallow minded now.

Chatted with Priscilla Gonzalez & Lynn today and they were both great people to talk to. I am not really sure if I have made a good friend with the Rosalva Luna look-alike because until today she's been very kind and generous with words towards me. Perhaps it could be the Mexican's customs to remain persistance with kind words? Wait a minute, what am I talking about? It's not like the rest of the world is uncivilized and uncurteous. I'll leave it be. All I meant to say was just the first sentence of this paragraph. And a good friend!

Claudia, Hong Kong hottie in her late teen, sought help with me for a problem with her computer, which I later learned was infested with 41 unique computer viruses. I supplied her with tips on how to get around the problem and called her up today and I got good news. Not that of a biggie anyway but at least I know she's capable to become a tech-savvy person ... one in a million.

There's a dire need to get out of Saskatoon broiling from within my heart. Somewhere I will go but I don't know whereof yet, however, it will definitely be a place I have not been and hopefully not too expensive in terms of currency exhange. High time for arbitraging scouting opportunities. Somewhere where I don't see a multitude of ethnic Chinese people loitering on the streets or flocking malls. A few caucasians would be ideal but definitely not too many though. Where would that be? Where would that be? Maybe I should postpone my photo-shooting session with Claudia to August. It was suppose to be in July. She's such a beauty! A real talented girl, indeed.

For the most part in this blog session are not of today but yesterday as well as 2 days back. Later readers.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

What are your views on Blogging

I have been blogging almost daily, if not frequently. So have my friends. Today, I reflected on what we, youngsters as well as adults alike, are doing on the world wide web almost literally glued to our computers for hours -- blogging. Do we have a life?

What if you told you friend that you have a blog and s/he laughed at you and told you to get a life?! Don't we bloggers have a life to write about? We are, I think, constantly engaged in deep thoughts analysing situations and things simultaneously. We keep our brain active, thus alive. We do not want deadbrainstherefore, on the contrary, we want life and we have a life! Perhaps blogging is one of our lonely desperate means to communicating with people? There are some who even do it round the clock and their names get published on the WWW and gets interviews from media agencies. Uhh... is that their pathetic life? Can you say they have no life? If so, you're telling me there are few conditions one has to fulfill before they can be labelled "No life!" by blogging?

What keeps us coming back most of the time is that rewarding feeling about the things you wrote and somebody has read and commented on it. You may have written a good article/poem, or just plainly your dead boring story, however, even so, you'd often find yourself reading and re-reading what you wrote. Feels like you have succeeded or a sense of achievement. Don't you agree?

I can't be writing email to everybody about what's happening in my daily life, can I? Can you? What do you think?

Friday, June 04, 2004

Falling in & Falling out

Being single in a foreign land can be an interesting one. I have been in love, deeply in love with a woman who is 2 years my senior and I thought to myself, "This is it! She's the person! My search ends here" Too soon have I said and convinced myself of that. Too soon I began to realize a part of her that radiates discomfort to my sensitive heart. I fell out of love. She is no longer the one. Although I dread the thought of this reality, time has not healed my horrific discovery. How can I be wrong? Things were wonderful but they are so different now. Nothing I can do. I am trying to unlearn a belief that I held on so strongly that the love I have showered on a person will return eventually. Perhaps this belief has a time period in which it can be true but lapsed when her age catches on?

Meeting people on campus and on the streets is one helluva adventure. Should I be falling in love again? Or should I learn not to be afraid of falling out of love? Perhaps both clearly states to me to get on with life and not sit here deciding which path to take on.

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Friendship

Friendship

is a promise

spoken by the heart

It is not given by any pledge

nor written on any paper.

It is a promise

renewed everytime

when we keep in touch.


Extracted from CikguLee's blog. I am certain my readers will agree with what was written above. Our Friends from Mexico, Germany, Canada, France, remember us and we will continue to fulfill each other's promises. We will only gain a beautiful wonderful friendship bountiful of love and respect. Don't be a fool for friendship does not come easy at times.

Up to neck level

Mom has been staying with me since her arrival and I am loving it (plz disassoaciate this quote from McDonald's latest and lamest ad campaign). We talked about many things especially on life's experiences. Despite all the warm advises and painful times in life she had been through, I have not only learned life on earth would be as easy as what our eyes perceive.

The other thing I realized is when one has too much of advises from the same person who is eager to teach/train you up, one would not be able to take it all in within a continuous period of compacted time. To illustrate, one would fall back in performance if one studies too much of a subject for prolonged time unless of course, s/he has the passion for it; but that person is considered to be part of the predisposition of the norm. Basically, you can't be studying on biology for the rest of your life 24/7. You must give yourself a break and be away to do other things so that your mind can focus on things that is not dull. When you don't, you feel stressed up, tensed up, and just feel like crinching your hand into a fist so hard you could punch a hole in the wall. It's up to your neck level and you're boiling with stress and you don't want to hear it any more, at least for the moment. However, it does not mean you have lost your interests in that subject. Smokers would religiously take 5-10 minutes break from their study desk for two reasons: 1)It's the finger-to-mouth thing for cigarrettes or in other words, they're hooked to it; 2)For the brain to rest and thus pushing in for more room to accomodate more intake of information. It's a subtle mental process only known to your body and mind. You feel bored with the subject after a while and you'll find yourself wondering around the library, chatting with people on various subjects, picking up a magazine to read (aside your textbook), going out for a walk, etc.

That is what I need right now, at least that's what I feel right now.

I'm in the process of making my own decision. I should decide on whether or not I should go to England for Law degree, China for at least a 2 months back-packing trip, or use all the monies for the backpacking trip to purchase a car here in Canada, continue staying in Saskatoon to try to get into College of Engineering, which is one of the top 20 in the school of Engineering in the entire North America.

I have been told that Engineering is not meant for me. It is not my direction. Like my friends used to tease me "Show me the way...", I thought I could really use that right now. That phrase was suppose to be a pick-up line I picked up somewhere from the internet long ago but never actually used it until last year and I get teased about it till today. Samantha, a beautiful flick-chick of Asian origin who aspires to be a dentist is a smart, intelligent, charming, gorgeous, and Liv Tyler type of personality. I was in front of Lynn's room when she came in after I helped her smashed and killed a bug on the ceiling in her room, which is opposite of Lynn's. I was 'pressing'. I knew where the washroom is but since she is right there I blurted out,
"Sam, can you show me the way?"
Looking puzzled and looked back into my eyes, "Yeaaah, where do you want to go?" unconvincingly she uttered.
"Show me the way to your heart", I promptly responded with a smiling grin; then laughed.
"...", speechless. blushed. I can't recall anything if she had said anything from here on. She walked away and back into her room.
That day onwards, I suffered the tortures of this mental recollections with teases from Lynn especially then news spreaded and Michelle Tan, Vincent See, Ivy Hor, and the rest of the Malaysian people who lived in Rezz that year. That incident was meant to be funny and by saying "torture" I don't mean it in a negative way that warrants a stop to it all. I have used the lamest pick-up line on the weirdest situation (after killing a holiday-ing bug in her room) on the sweetest girl whom I know there's no way we're going to work together to make things happen. Just think of it as a fantasy, she's in it. I'm not getting any funny ideas about her although usually in my fantasies anything goes.

Days in Saskatoon for the past 5 days has been a gloomy one--rain clouds shrouds the entire city bringing rain and wind, and of course, bringing the temperature down to as low as 2. Because of such nice weather (to the farmers), I didn't shoot many graduation photos of myself. The best, I think, in the next twenty years to recollect my memories of a unique day like my recent convocation would be in my memory & I hope it will not be lost forever. As best as I can I hope at the best of my articulation I could paint out clearly a picture for my family and friends to see. Small achievement though but worth remembering as this has become a benchmark for my success -- that I can make all things done, at least with positive driven determinations.