Caged-like

There's nothing I can do to change what have been going on up in my head since I returned to Leeds on Sept 30. Somehow, rather perplexing, I finally found myself imprisoned in Leeds. Although my freedom space can be stretched to the city's span, I have only found myself circling in and around my 50 square foot apartment that sits on Leeds city centre's border.

The grocery store, Morrisons (I still can't spell its name correctly without referring to its plastic bags I usually use as [waste] bin bags), is conveniently located less than 600m away so that I could continue to stay alive. Everything I last saw here before I left for Kuala Lumpur has now been changed. A total make-over of the store that is, fortunately, not beyond recognition. I could just dart straight to the frozen food section and jet off back home to dump it in the microwave. That's meal! That's good enough to go on for another day. Another day of feeling trapped here in Leeds.

Again, I couldn't help to imagine everything accessible to me when I was back in my hometown. My sense of adventures have always kept me away from staying at home longer than 2 hours (after waking up). Traveling from town to town on my Mitsubishi's V6 Storm (pick-up truck) not only made me feel on top of everybody else (on the road) but also the very sense of freedom. My very same sense of adventure is still very much alive but I have gotta tame it and tune it down. There's nowhere to go anywhere further than both my legs will bring me. No wheels, unfortunately. It does actually feels like I've got an invisible hand (nothing to do with Adam Smith's theory), as that of an amputee who's trying to adjust to his new environment with one arm.

Despite the above, I've come to accept that my hiding-out lifestyle is temporal. I'm back here looking for employments. Usually this time of the year I would be in classrooms and lecture halls but not now. I'm done with university. I am behind my desk scouting job websites. It's hard to convince myself there's a purpose to this because the efforts put in always feels like a futile attempt as potential employers always appear as though they're out there to tear you down. Pulling myself through is a challenge. To make ends meet, I've got to take up this challenge and make myself proud.

Life is truly not a bed of roses. Student's life is definitely the bed of roses that I am now out of it, for now.