My dillema

I'm in a simple yet complicated dillema. First of all, I find Vivian's undying loyalty to me belittles me in a very flattering way and she does everything for me that I think I am running out of ideas to reciprocate. However, I think we all can see that the only way for me to reciprocate whatever she's done and is doing for me now is by way of marriage, which is not what I want at the moment. I have already pledge my loyalty to her but it seems that that is never good enough.

Recently, Cardiff University responded to my application for a transfer of credits and the application went through. That would mean that I will be continuing my third and final year there should I choose to accept and make every necessary preparations. Secondly, I must stress that there would be no other reasons for me to make such a big move if it wasn't for my career (I hope to have a good start). And my career will eventually have an effect on the lives of Vivian and I. Agree? So, maybe you want to know why not LMU? I have confirmed that the LL.B degree issued by LMU is not recognised by the Malaysian Bar Council. Every law students who wishes to practise law in Malaysia must have pass CLP examination, and there are only a few law degrees from UK universities that the CLP recognises as prerequisite. Unfortunately, LMU is not recognised. To name a few, Leeds Uni, Oxford, Nottingham Trent Uni, Cardiff Uni. Leeds Uni has rejected my application, so has Nottingham. I did not have much hope for CU anyway until I got their letter on Friday. I need to have a contingency plan for what I am doing here and CU can give me that, not LMU. So, this briefly explains my preferences to moving.

Vivian is holding me back with threats and blackmail as usual. I totally feel for and understand her feelings. She makes me believe that I am a selfish bastard by doing this; that i have not even for one second considered her feelings when I made my choices. I'm torn between career-orientated goals and love life. She's making it as though it's a "choose me OR that".

I just don't get it. Why does it have to be that? I know she has a lot of other issues worth worrying, i.e. visa, work permit,... mostly immigration issues. Marriage seems to be, as she is convinced, the ticket out. But it's not what I want now. Her prime age for marriage doesn't mean it's mine, but in time I will be ready. Just not now.

Letter to HF
Dearest HF,
I do love you.
I'm not going to start with a lecture about how love should be setting one free and not being imprisoned with a short tight leash. I believe your wisdom would have already taught you that.

You were quite persistent in giving me examples of failures in a love relationship of other people because of long distance relationship (LDR). It is enough to say that you do not believe in LDR. While I am NOT advocating for LDR, I am also not saying that LDR will not work.

It is painful for me too to face a crossroad such as now, a choice whereby I have to choose BETWEEN a better career path from a better education in the long run and to be apart of you in the short run AND to not part with you in the short run and forgo an attractive offer with huge potential career opportunities in long run.

If I could be offered a good paying job in Shanghai just by being able to speak in English, why would I have even bothered spending much time, efforts, and valuable resources in legal studies? Please read my Essay to Cardiff University below. You will discover that I not just want to be a lawyer, but one with proper credentials so that, eventually, I may one day build a business empire of my own hopefully in the legal area.

We have been to Paris, and EuroDisney or perhaps a western based Disney land/park was the dream you were determined to fulfill -- meeting Disney characters in person. And you have. I'm extremely glad that you have, and I was overwhelmed to experience and be part of your most euphoric moment! I'm proud to say that we have a share of that moments of your dream. Travelling around Europe is the bigger part of your dream, and you have completed 1% of it. I'm determined to discover the remaining 99% with you. I want to!

On the issue of marriage, it is not that I am afraid of long term committment. I am not. I am just not ready this year. As I have said above, your prime age for marriage does not mean the same for me OR does not mean I have to either. It just does not work out that way. Marriage, as far as I know, is the willingness of two persons wanting to be committed to each other to a life time in love, trusts, and responsibilities; to care for one another in health, etc. Willingness is the keypoint here. It then should not appear surprising to you that "the question" is usually and universally known as "Will you marry me, [name]?"

Please, I beg you to stop your insinuations.
I, too, want to realize my dreams with your genuine encouragement, and right attitudes. You too have a part in this. Sacrifices are all part of love and life relationships.